In Dearth of Dependence

I have too many thoughts running through my mind. All the time. Last night I lay in bed for two hours thinking. I mean worrying. Oh yes, worrying.

A few years ago, if you had asked, I would have told you that I wasn't a worrier. And in some ways that is still true. I don't worry about people. If my husband is late, or my daughter gets hurt, or somebody doesn't call when they are supposed to, I don't worry. I worry about getting out of debt or saying the right thing or being prepared.

Does anyone else see a correlation?

I don't worry about what I can't control, I worry about what I can.

Worry is a tool of Satan no matter what I worry about. To worry is to not trust in God's plan. But I think that worrying about what I can control is much more detrimental to my success. By constantly feeling that I am not going to say the right thing, or get out of debt, or be prepared, I become more accepting of failure. Then, when those things don't turn out all right, I hear "I told you so," in the back of my mind, the self-fulfilling prophecy that I was expecting. Satan has been winning this battle, but no more.

My biggest obstacle currently is the debt we have accrued over the last 2.5 years. I personally think that debt is another tool of Satan, but that discussion is for a different time and place.

Let me take you on a trip back in time...It was a chilly day in May when I stepped out of the closing office. I had just purchased my 3rd home in 2 years. Oh yes, things were really good on the real estate front back then. We had found a house in Fayetteville for a really good price in the neighborhood I grew up in. We just couldn't pass it up, so despite not having sold our current house, we went through with the closing. It would only be a matter of time before the other house would sell, nothing to worry about. A few weeks later, the job that I had once loved, was looking more and more like something I wanted no part in. Decisions were made, and I was forced (by myself) to quit. Exactly four days after submitting my resignation, I got some news that would forever change my life. I was pregnant. So now we had two houses, one income, and a baby on the way. Our credit card, unfortunately, took the brunt of this undesirable situation. But it wouldn't stop there. In August of 2008, I decided to work part-time at a gym so that I could stay with my daughter. This was a good decision, but not so prudent financially. Once again, our old friend the credit card was called up to the majors. That brings us to the present. I now have been blessed with a full-time job to which I can bring my daughter. Our current situation affords us the means to get out of debt.

So we can do what God wants?

I think so.

Here comes the hard part, we have to actually sacrifice for this. This is a lesson God is teaching me currently. His yolk is easy and His burden is light, but only if we have the right attitude. If my primary desire is to do what He wants (ie. go to China), then living frugally won't be that hard. But if I focus on the here and now, I don't want to cook dinner tonight.

I can do all things through Christ, even stop drinking Diet Dr. Pepper.