Psalm 90 has long been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. I love that there is an urgency to it, but also a calmness and rest in the guaranteed outcome.
It's like a good Christian romance novel. Will they get together? Will he ever be man enough to say how he really feels? Will the secrets of their pasts tear them apart? In a country ravaged by war, how can two people with such different backgrounds find love? (I digress.) I love the angst, but I also love knowing that there will be a happy ending. I get caught up in the current turmoil, but if I step back, I can see and find comfort in the assured resolution.
Moses knew the same thing. He didn't need a fictional love story to compare it to, however. He realized that there is so much that weighs us down that we forget how short this life really is. And how great and infinite God is. Moses had a tough go of it. He experienced far more hardship and many more trials and difficult decisions than I ever have. Yet he realized, even in the middle of wandering around the desert, that there was a purpose and a joy in life beyond just living it.
There are about 17 amazing verses in that Psalm, but the one that has been most on my heart lately is verse 17.
And let the beauty of our Lord God be upon us: and establish Thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish Thou it.
The prayer of every person seeking the Lord. Or it should be. It should be my prayer everyday. Is it? Is what I do with my time worth establishing? I challenged the girls in the youth group (and myself) with this verse. I asked them to think of what they did today hour by hour and ask themselves these two questions:
What did I do today that the Lord would be interested in establishing?
And of the things I did do that the Lord would establish, am I interested in them?
Convicting, to say the least. In light of the 16 verses prior to this about our life being so short, this is extra convicting.
New prayer for me...
Establish all the works of my hands, Dear Saviour. Establish the work that I find menial and mundane. Establish the difficult work and the work that makes me lose sleep at night. Establish the work that makes my heart rejoice. Make my heart rejoice at it all, for You have given me this work, and You are my reward.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
My Heart as of 11/4/09
Life is hard. I just looked over the last few blog posts I've done, and it is definitely a theme woven throughout. I guess that is the curse of of having a sinful flesh and a sinless soul. Things will never be perfect, until Heaven.
Others will disappoint, circumstances will change, my entire world may crumble tomorrow. But even then, there is hope. I am not alone. I have a Saviour who fully knows, fully understands, and fully loves me. No matter what. My joy is only found in Him.
That is what is on my heart. It's short, but everlasting.
Others will disappoint, circumstances will change, my entire world may crumble tomorrow. But even then, there is hope. I am not alone. I have a Saviour who fully knows, fully understands, and fully loves me. No matter what. My joy is only found in Him.
That is what is on my heart. It's short, but everlasting.
Monday, October 26, 2009
$25 Challenge
I had a great weekend. Spent Friday night with friends, went hiking on Saturday, spent Saturday night with friends, spent Sunday at church potlucking, partying, and practicing. It was a really good weekend!
Now back to the week... I am actually pretty excited about this week. I have a lot going on. The most pressing being the House of Destiny. Wow, the Lord is really good. Just when I had given up hope of it being anything other than the same, things start to look up. That isn't what I am focusing on today however. I have a new challenge for myself.
I am only going to spend $25 a week on groceries.
I have already discussed my need to get out of debt, well, here is a way to do it. I know that it sounds crazy, but I think it will work. I plan to go shopping for the first time on my new budget tomorrow. I will let you know of my results.
The plan:
Spend $25 a week on groceries.
Any non-grocery item (such as shampoo, diapers, etc) falls under the misc. category, for which the budget is $50 a month.
Any eating out is part of the $25 a week. So basically, no eating out!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
In Dearth of Dependence
I have too many thoughts running through my mind. All the time. Last night I lay in bed for two hours thinking. I mean worrying. Oh yes, worrying.
A few years ago, if you had asked, I would have told you that I wasn't a worrier. And in some ways that is still true. I don't worry about people. If my husband is late, or my daughter gets hurt, or somebody doesn't call when they are supposed to, I don't worry. I worry about getting out of debt or saying the right thing or being prepared.
Does anyone else see a correlation?
I don't worry about what I can't control, I worry about what I can.
Worry is a tool of Satan no matter what I worry about. To worry is to not trust in God's plan. But I think that worrying about what I can control is much more detrimental to my success. By constantly feeling that I am not going to say the right thing, or get out of debt, or be prepared, I become more accepting of failure. Then, when those things don't turn out all right, I hear "I told you so," in the back of my mind, the self-fulfilling prophecy that I was expecting. Satan has been winning this battle, but no more.
My biggest obstacle currently is the debt we have accrued over the last 2.5 years. I personally think that debt is another tool of Satan, but that discussion is for a different time and place.
Let me take you on a trip back in time...It was a chilly day in May when I stepped out of the closing office. I had just purchased my 3rd home in 2 years. Oh yes, things were really good on the real estate front back then. We had found a house in Fayetteville for a really good price in the neighborhood I grew up in. We just couldn't pass it up, so despite not having sold our current house, we went through with the closing. It would only be a matter of time before the other house would sell, nothing to worry about. A few weeks later, the job that I had once loved, was looking more and more like something I wanted no part in. Decisions were made, and I was forced (by myself) to quit. Exactly four days after submitting my resignation, I got some news that would forever change my life. I was pregnant. So now we had two houses, one income, and a baby on the way. Our credit card, unfortunately, took the brunt of this undesirable situation. But it wouldn't stop there. In August of 2008, I decided to work part-time at a gym so that I could stay with my daughter. This was a good decision, but not so prudent financially. Once again, our old friend the credit card was called up to the majors. That brings us to the present. I now have been blessed with a full-time job to which I can bring my daughter. Our current situation affords us the means to get out of debt.
So we can do what God wants?
I think so.
Here comes the hard part, we have to actually sacrifice for this. This is a lesson God is teaching me currently. His yolk is easy and His burden is light, but only if we have the right attitude. If my primary desire is to do what He wants (ie. go to China), then living frugally won't be that hard. But if I focus on the here and now, I don't want to cook dinner tonight.
I can do all things through Christ, even stop drinking Diet Dr. Pepper.
A few years ago, if you had asked, I would have told you that I wasn't a worrier. And in some ways that is still true. I don't worry about people. If my husband is late, or my daughter gets hurt, or somebody doesn't call when they are supposed to, I don't worry. I worry about getting out of debt or saying the right thing or being prepared.
Does anyone else see a correlation?
I don't worry about what I can't control, I worry about what I can.
Worry is a tool of Satan no matter what I worry about. To worry is to not trust in God's plan. But I think that worrying about what I can control is much more detrimental to my success. By constantly feeling that I am not going to say the right thing, or get out of debt, or be prepared, I become more accepting of failure. Then, when those things don't turn out all right, I hear "I told you so," in the back of my mind, the self-fulfilling prophecy that I was expecting. Satan has been winning this battle, but no more.
My biggest obstacle currently is the debt we have accrued over the last 2.5 years. I personally think that debt is another tool of Satan, but that discussion is for a different time and place.
Let me take you on a trip back in time...It was a chilly day in May when I stepped out of the closing office. I had just purchased my 3rd home in 2 years. Oh yes, things were really good on the real estate front back then. We had found a house in Fayetteville for a really good price in the neighborhood I grew up in. We just couldn't pass it up, so despite not having sold our current house, we went through with the closing. It would only be a matter of time before the other house would sell, nothing to worry about. A few weeks later, the job that I had once loved, was looking more and more like something I wanted no part in. Decisions were made, and I was forced (by myself) to quit. Exactly four days after submitting my resignation, I got some news that would forever change my life. I was pregnant. So now we had two houses, one income, and a baby on the way. Our credit card, unfortunately, took the brunt of this undesirable situation. But it wouldn't stop there. In August of 2008, I decided to work part-time at a gym so that I could stay with my daughter. This was a good decision, but not so prudent financially. Once again, our old friend the credit card was called up to the majors. That brings us to the present. I now have been blessed with a full-time job to which I can bring my daughter. Our current situation affords us the means to get out of debt.
So we can do what God wants?
I think so.
Here comes the hard part, we have to actually sacrifice for this. This is a lesson God is teaching me currently. His yolk is easy and His burden is light, but only if we have the right attitude. If my primary desire is to do what He wants (ie. go to China), then living frugally won't be that hard. But if I focus on the here and now, I don't want to cook dinner tonight.
I can do all things through Christ, even stop drinking Diet Dr. Pepper.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Realizing My Potential
It is an ongoing process.
My dream is to one day wake up and everything be perfect. In this dream the sheets do not get twisted at night, I do not have to dodge the pile of clothes I left on my floor the night before, I spend time every morning in the presence of the Lord without worrying about all that I have to do, I have no debt, and I cook every meal. If you haven't guessed, this is not how my life looks right now. I don't really know what to do about the sheets, but the rest of it I can fix. This is a real possibility.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I have given birth. I have planned a wedding (mine) while going to school 18 hours a week, working 35 hours a week, and driving 4 hours several times a week to see my fiance. I have fallen face-first into the gym floor off the top of a cheerleading stunt, gotten up, and started to do the routine again. I have taught 16 3-year-olds, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. This is still the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I have figured out why. This is what God has called me to. This is what Satan absolutely doesn't want me to do.
It's an interesting way of looking at the dirty clothes in the hamper. I would have never thought of spiritual warfare going on in my laundry room, but it does. If I don't do the laundry, we don't have clean clothes. That raises my stress level and my husband's. Then there is conflict between us. My husband leaves the house in the morning stressed out because he couldn't find clean clothes. I get mad at him for being stressed, I then am short-tempered with my daughter. Meanwhile, my husband (who is an ordained minister) fails to see ministry opportunities during the day because of his stress. He calls me to say that someone is coming over tonight. I tell him that they can't because our house is messy, another opportunity missed. I think you get my point by now.
The thing is, God has given me a job to do. It isn't preaching, it isn't having a successful career (although I would argue that I am a good saleswoman of maternity clothing), it's being a mom, a wife, a help-meet, an encourager, a friend, a supporter, and His follower. This is my potential. This is what I am seeking.
I re-started this blog to keep track of my progress. My husband, daughter, and I are moving to China in August 2010. I have a lot of improvements to make before then in all of my roles.
p.s. The dream does come true. One day I will wake up in a mansion-filled city with streets of gold and my Saviour.
My dream is to one day wake up and everything be perfect. In this dream the sheets do not get twisted at night, I do not have to dodge the pile of clothes I left on my floor the night before, I spend time every morning in the presence of the Lord without worrying about all that I have to do, I have no debt, and I cook every meal. If you haven't guessed, this is not how my life looks right now. I don't really know what to do about the sheets, but the rest of it I can fix. This is a real possibility.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I have given birth. I have planned a wedding (mine) while going to school 18 hours a week, working 35 hours a week, and driving 4 hours several times a week to see my fiance. I have fallen face-first into the gym floor off the top of a cheerleading stunt, gotten up, and started to do the routine again. I have taught 16 3-year-olds, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. This is still the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I have figured out why. This is what God has called me to. This is what Satan absolutely doesn't want me to do.
It's an interesting way of looking at the dirty clothes in the hamper. I would have never thought of spiritual warfare going on in my laundry room, but it does. If I don't do the laundry, we don't have clean clothes. That raises my stress level and my husband's. Then there is conflict between us. My husband leaves the house in the morning stressed out because he couldn't find clean clothes. I get mad at him for being stressed, I then am short-tempered with my daughter. Meanwhile, my husband (who is an ordained minister) fails to see ministry opportunities during the day because of his stress. He calls me to say that someone is coming over tonight. I tell him that they can't because our house is messy, another opportunity missed. I think you get my point by now.
The thing is, God has given me a job to do. It isn't preaching, it isn't having a successful career (although I would argue that I am a good saleswoman of maternity clothing), it's being a mom, a wife, a help-meet, an encourager, a friend, a supporter, and His follower. This is my potential. This is what I am seeking.
I re-started this blog to keep track of my progress. My husband, daughter, and I are moving to China in August 2010. I have a lot of improvements to make before then in all of my roles.
p.s. The dream does come true. One day I will wake up in a mansion-filled city with streets of gold and my Saviour.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
My first blog
Hello blogging world! I guess this is a long-overdue addition to my life, considering how much I love to imagine that what I do and say has profound importance in the vitality of the universe. Now the inner workings of my mind will be available to all. The world is a better place. :)
I am currently reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian (which is the most perfect romance novel name I have ever heard. I think that she will be either a newspaper reporter or a private detective). I do not, as a general rule, get into the "Christiany" books. I am not usually a cynical person, but there is just something about modern American Christianity that brings it out in me. I must say, however, this book is phenomenal. Stormie has some real insight into the power of prayer in a marriage. She also backs up what she says with verses from the Bible (imagine that!). She has brought up some really good points about praying specifically for your husband that I had never even considered. I have started praying for my husband in all of the areas that the book points out. I have noticed a real change already. It is amazing what the Lord wants to tell you, if you really want to know. Tyler has been talking about the mission field, and how he feels called, for a while. But he has never said anything with certainty. I have started praying that God will show him what He wants for Tyler's ministry. (You might be wondering why I wasn't praying for this before, but sometimes I'm stupid.) God is answering that prayer. He is giving Tyler more of a sense of what He wants from him. He is also showing me what He wants from me. Moving out of the country is kind of a scary idea, but if that is what God wants, staying here is far scarier. Thank you, Stormie, for sharing your thoughts, and thanks Terri (mom-in-law) for giving me the book, but most importantly, thank you, God, for having a plan!
I am currently reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian (which is the most perfect romance novel name I have ever heard. I think that she will be either a newspaper reporter or a private detective). I do not, as a general rule, get into the "Christiany" books. I am not usually a cynical person, but there is just something about modern American Christianity that brings it out in me. I must say, however, this book is phenomenal. Stormie has some real insight into the power of prayer in a marriage. She also backs up what she says with verses from the Bible (imagine that!). She has brought up some really good points about praying specifically for your husband that I had never even considered. I have started praying for my husband in all of the areas that the book points out. I have noticed a real change already. It is amazing what the Lord wants to tell you, if you really want to know. Tyler has been talking about the mission field, and how he feels called, for a while. But he has never said anything with certainty. I have started praying that God will show him what He wants for Tyler's ministry. (You might be wondering why I wasn't praying for this before, but sometimes I'm stupid.) God is answering that prayer. He is giving Tyler more of a sense of what He wants from him. He is also showing me what He wants from me. Moving out of the country is kind of a scary idea, but if that is what God wants, staying here is far scarier. Thank you, Stormie, for sharing your thoughts, and thanks Terri (mom-in-law) for giving me the book, but most importantly, thank you, God, for having a plan!
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