Realizing My Potential

It is an ongoing process.

My dream is to one day wake up and everything be perfect. In this dream the sheets do not get twisted at night, I do not have to dodge the pile of clothes I left on my floor the night before, I spend time every morning in the presence of the Lord without worrying about all that I have to do, I have no debt, and I cook every meal. If you haven't guessed, this is not how my life looks right now. I don't really know what to do about the sheets, but the rest of it I can fix. This is a real possibility.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I have given birth. I have planned a wedding (mine) while going to school 18 hours a week, working 35 hours a week, and driving 4 hours several times a week to see my fiance. I have fallen face-first into the gym floor off the top of a cheerleading stunt, gotten up, and started to do the routine again. I have taught 16 3-year-olds, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. This is still the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I have figured out why. This is what God has called me to. This is what Satan absolutely doesn't want me to do.

It's an interesting way of looking at the dirty clothes in the hamper. I would have never thought of spiritual warfare going on in my laundry room, but it does. If I don't do the laundry, we don't have clean clothes. That raises my stress level and my husband's. Then there is conflict between us. My husband leaves the house in the morning stressed out because he couldn't find clean clothes. I get mad at him for being stressed, I then am short-tempered with my daughter. Meanwhile, my husband (who is an ordained minister) fails to see ministry opportunities during the day because of his stress. He calls me to say that someone is coming over tonight. I tell him that they can't because our house is messy, another opportunity missed. I think you get my point by now.

The thing is, God has given me a job to do. It isn't preaching, it isn't having a successful career (although I would argue that I am a good saleswoman of maternity clothing), it's being a mom, a wife, a help-meet, an encourager, a friend, a supporter, and His follower. This is my potential. This is what I am seeking.

I re-started this blog to keep track of my progress. My husband, daughter, and I are moving to China in August 2010. I have a lot of improvements to make before then in all of my roles.

p.s. The dream does come true. One day I will wake up in a mansion-filled city with streets of gold and my Saviour.